We have all seen it happen.
You are in a meeting room. Everything is calm. Suddenly, someone mentions that the sales figures dropped by 2%.
And then, the quiet, polite Senior Manager transforms. His face turns red. His veins pop out. He slams his hand on the table. He starts shouting about incompetence, the economy, and the coffee machine.
In Malaysia, when someone suddenly loses their mind like this, we joke that they “kena rasuk” (got possessed by a ghost or Hantu). One minute they are a rational human; the next, they are a screaming banshee.
But as an HRD consultant who has survived 20 years of corporate drama, I can tell you: It’s not a ghost. It’s biology.
Daniel Goleman calls it an Amygdala Hijack.
It is the moment your brain decides that an Excel spreadsheet error is a life-or-death threat, and shuts down your intelligence. If you want to survive in leadership (and keep your blood pressure down), you need to learn how to handle the Hantu.
The Science: Why Smart People Do Stupid Things
Here is the quick science lesson. Your brain has two main drivers:
- The Prefrontal Cortex ( The CEO): This part handles logic, planning, and “face-saving.” It is smart but slow.
- The Amygdala (The Bodyguard): This part handles survival. Fight, Flight, or Freeze. It is dumb but incredibly fast.
In a normal situation, information goes to the CEO first. You see a problem, you think about it, you react.
But during a “Hijack,” the Amygdala steals the signal. It bypasses the CEO entirely.
The Scary Stat: It takes about 0.85 seconds for the Amygdala to hijack you. But it takes about 6 seconds for the chemicals (cortisol/adrenaline) to flush out so the CEO can take control again.
Your goal isn’t to never get angry. That’s impossible. Your goal is to survive those 6 seconds without destroying your career.
A Story From My HR Diaries: The “Flying File” Incident
Years ago, I was consulting for a manufacturing firm. The production manager, let’s call him “Mr. Tan,” was a brilliant engineer but had a temper shorter than a fuse on a wet firecracker.
One afternoon, a junior executive brought him a report with a typo on the cover page. Just a typo.
I watched Mr. Tan’s eyes widen. The Hantu entered. He didn’t just scold the boy; he picked up the heavy file and launched it across the room. It hit the whiteboard with a massive THACK!
Silence.
Mr. Tan stood there, panting. 10 seconds later, the “CEO” part of his brain woke up and looked around. You could see the shame wash over him. He knew he had just lost the respect of his entire team. He spent the next year trying to repair that trust, but the damage was done. The “Hantu” had cost him his reputation.
The NLP Solution: The Pattern Interrupt
So, how do we stop the Hantu? We use an NLP tool called a Pattern Interrupt.
Think of your anger like a train running on a track. Once it starts speeding up, it’s hard to stop. A Pattern Interrupt is like derailing the train or suddenly switching the tracks. You need to do something so unexpected, so weird, or so jarring that your Amygdala gets confused and pauses.
That pause buys you the 6 seconds you need.
3 Ways to “Interrupt” the Hijack
Here are three techniques I teach in my workshops (and use on myself).
1. The “Wrong Question” Technique (Confuse the Hantu)
When you feel the rage rising—heat in the neck, clenching fists—force your brain to answer a completely irrelevant question.
- Internal Monologue: “I am going to kill him! How dare he…”
- The Interrupt: “What does my left big toe feel like right now?”
I know, it sounds crazy. But your brain cannot process “Murderous Rage” and “Sensory input from left toe” at the same time. It has to switch gears. That split-second switch breaks the loop.
2. The Physical Reset (Drop the Pen)
If you are in a meeting and someone attacks you verbally, your instinct is to attack back immediately.
Don’t.
Instead, physically drop your pen on the floor.
- Clatter.
Then, slowly bend down to pick it up. This simple physical action does two things:
- It breaks eye contact (lowering the threat level).
- It changes your body posture (bending over compresses the diaphragm and forces a breath).
By the time you sit back up, you have bought yourself 5 seconds. You are no longer possessed. You are cool.
3. The “Macha, Relak” Breath
This is the Malaysian special.
Breathe in for 4 seconds. Hold for 4 seconds. Breathe out for 4 seconds.
As you breathe out, internally say a soothing word. For me, it’s “Relak lah” or “Sabar”.
A Story From the Farm: The Contractor and the Wrong Wood
Now, let me tell you a story from my current life. As you know, I am building a glamping site and Kelulut farm.
If you think corporate politics is stressful, try managing construction contractors.
A few months ago, I ordered a specific type of high-quality timber for the main glamping deck. It was expensive. I emphasized it three times: “Must be Merbau wood.”
The lorry arrived. I walked out, excited.
It was not Merbau. It was cheap, mixed heavy hardwood. And the driver had already unloaded half of it.
I felt the Hantu coming.
My face got hot. My “old” self wanted to scream at the driver, call the supplier, and threaten to sue everyone. I could feel the Amygdala screaming, “Disrespect! They are cheating you!”
But I caught it. I realized I was about to explode in front of my future neighbors and workers. Not a good look for a “Team Building Consultant.”
I used a Pattern Interrupt.
I turned away from the lorry, looked at my Kelulut hive nearby, and loudly asked the bees:
“Eh, girls, do you think this wood tastes good?”
The lorry driver looked at me like I was insane. He probably thought I was the Hantu.
But that moment of absurdity made me chuckle. The anger balloon popped.
I turned back to the driver, calm and smiling (mostly), and said, “Boss, this is the wrong wood. Load it back up. We will wait for the right one.”
No shouting. No heart attack. Just business.
Why This Matters for Asian Leaders
In our culture, we often confuse “Stoicism” with “Suppression.”
We hold the anger in, hold it in, hold it in… until the Hantu explodes.
That is not Emotional Intelligence. That is a time bomb.
True EQ is recognizing the spark before it becomes a forest fire. It is having the humility to say, “I need a minute” and walking out of the room rather than staying and saying something you can’t take back.
Final Thoughts: Don’t Feed the Ghost
The next time you feel that heat rising in your chest, remember: That is not you. That is the biological Hantu trying to drive your car.
Don’t let him drive. He doesn’t have a license, and he crashes everything.
Drop your pen. Check your toe. Ask the bees.
Do whatever you have to do to survive those 6 seconds. Because the version of you that exists after the 6 seconds is the one who will handle the problem like a pro.
The “Exorcism” Cheat Sheet
|
The Trigger |
The Old Reaction (Hantu) |
The New Reaction (Pattern Interrupt) |
|---|---|---|
|
Rude Email |
Type a furious reply immediately (and maybe hit send). |
The “Draft & Delete”: Type it in Word, print it, shred it. Then reply tomorrow. |
|
Meeting Attack |
Shout back or get defensive. |
The “Drop”: Drop a pen. Take a sip of water. Break the physical state. |
|
Traffic Jam |
Road rage. Honking. High blood pressure. |
The |
