The “Kiasu” Anchor: How to Hack Your Asian DNA for Instant Motivation

​There is nothing wrong with being Kiasu. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best table, the best bonus, or the best project. ​The world belongs to the hungry.

​Picture this: It is a Sunday afternoon at a hotel buffet in Penang. The waiter brings out a fresh tray of expensive Tiger Prawns.

​Suddenly, a 60-year-old Auntie moves with the speed of an Olympic sprinter. She elbows a teenager out of the way. She piles 15 prawns onto her plate before the tray even hits the table.

​This, my friends, is Kiasu.

​In Hokkien, Kiasu literally means “Fear of Losing.” It is the defining spirit of Singapore, Malaysia, and much of Asia. It is why we queue for hours for a new bubble tea. It is why we send our kids to tuition for a subject they haven’t even started learning in school yet.

​In the corporate world, Kiasu has a bad reputation. It creates stress, selfish colleagues, and a “dog-eat-dog” culture.

​But as a Human Resource Development consultant for over 20 years, I have a controversial theory: Kiasu is actually a high-performance fuel. The problem isn’t the fuel; it’s the engine we are pouring it into.

​If we combine Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence (EQ) with a classic NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) technique called “Anchoring,” we can refine this “fear of losing” into a pure, high-octane “drive to win.”

​The Psychology: Why Fear is a Bad boss

​Daniel Goleman separates motivation into two buckets:

  1. ​Negative Motivation (Fear): “If I don’t hit this KPI, I will be fired/shamed.”
  2. ​Positive Motivation (Achievement Drive): “I want to hit this KPI because I love winning and growing.”

​Traditional Kiasu is Type 1. It is driven by the Amygdala (the brain’s panic center). It works, but it burns you out. It’s like driving a Ferrari in first gear—lots of noise, lots of heat, but you’re destroying the engine.

​We want to shift to Type 2. We want the energy of the Auntie chasing the prawns (focus, speed, determination) without the anxiety (fear of missing out).

​The NLP Hack: You Are a Pavlovian Dog (Sorry!)

​You probably learned about Ivan Pavlov in school. He rang a bell, fed a dog, rang a bell, fed a dog. Eventually, he rang the bell, and the dog salivated without the food.

​This is called Anchoring.

​In NLP, we believe humans are just very sophisticated dogs. We have “buttons” all over our bodies and brains that trigger emotional states.

  • ​The smell of your mother’s cooking = Instant comfort.
  • ​The ringtone of your boss calling on a Sunday = Instant panic.

​These are accidental anchors. But NLP teaches us that we can create intentional anchors. We can install a “Button” on our body that, when pressed, instantly triggers a state of high confidence and motivation.

​I call this the “Positive Kiasu Anchor.”

​How to Install Your “Kiasu Button” (Step-by-Step)

​Do this exercise right now. It takes 5 minutes, and it might change your next board meeting.

​Step 1: Choose Your “Super State”

​I want you to recall a specific memory where you felt unstoppable. A time where you were totally “in the zone.”

  • ​Maybe it was closing that huge deal in 2015.
  • ​Maybe it was delivering a speech where everyone laughed at your jokes.
  • ​Maybe it was when you finally got the land for your Kelulut farm!

​Close your eyes. Go back to that moment.

​Step 2: Turn Up the “Submodalities” (The 4K Experience)

​In NLP, the intensity of a memory depends on the details.

  • ​Visual: Make the memory brighter. Make the colors pop. Bring the image closer to your face.
  • ​Auditory: Hear the applause? Turn up the volume. Hear your own internal voice saying, “Yes! I did it!”
  • ​Kinesthetic: Feel the handshake. Feel the adrenaline in your chest.

​Spin this feeling in your body until on a scale of 1 to 10, it feels like a 15. You should be smiling like a crazy person right now.

​Step 3: Set the Anchor

​The moment that feeling hits its absolute peak (the climax), do a unique physical gesture.

  • Example: Press your thumb and ring finger of your right hand together firmly.
  • Example: Squeeze your left earlobe.

​Hold that gesture for 5 to 10 seconds while enjoying the peak feeling. Then, let go and open your eyes.

​Step 4: Repeat (The Conditioning)

​Do this 3 or 4 times.

  1. ​Get into the state.
  2. ​Peak the feeling.
  3. ​Press the Anchor.
  4. ​Relax.

​You are neurologically wiring that specific touch (stimulus) to that specific feeling of confidence (response).

​Step 5: The Test

​Now, distract yourself. Think about what you had for lunch. Look out the window.

Now… Fire the Anchor! (Press your thumb and ring finger together).

​If you did it right, you should feel a sudden wave of that same confidence washing over you. You just created a “Motivation On-Demand” button.

​Application: The “Kiasu” Switch in the Boardroom

​So, how do we use this in real Asian corporate life?

​Imagine you are about to walk into a salary negotiation. Your palms are sweating. Your internal “Tiger Mom” is whispering, “Don’t ask for too much, they will get angry.”

​Normally, you would walk in shrinking, hoping to just survive.

​Instead, you stop outside the door. You take a breath. You Fire your Anchor (squeeze that finger).

​Boom. Your brain floods with the neurochemistry of that time you won the award. Your posture straightens. Your voice drops an octave. You walk in not as a beggar, but as a winner.

​You are now channeling Positive Kiasu. You are hungry for the result, but you are not afraid of the room.

​The Agrotourism Lesson: The “Kiasu” Kelulut

​In my journey into Kelulut farming, I’ve observed the bees. When a Kelulut bee finds a new source of nectar, it doesn’t leisurely float around. It zooms in. It harvests. It signals the team.

​It is aggressive in its pursuit of resources. But is it stressed? No. It is purposeful.

​In Asia, we often confuse “Panic” with “Passion.”

We think if we aren’t running around looking stressed, we aren’t working hard.

​The Anchor allows you to be like the Kelulut: Fast, focused, and efficient, but internally calm. You are hacking your biology to separate the Drive from the Distress.

​Troubleshooting: Why Your Anchor Might Fail

​Sometimes people tell me, “Abe Zoe, I pressed the button but I didn’t feel like Superman.”

​Usually, it’s one of these two reasons:

  1. ​The Memory was Weak: You chose a memory where you were just “okay,” not “awesome.” You need a 10/10 memory.
  2. ​The Timing was Off: You anchored after the feeling started to fade. You must anchor while the feeling is rising or at the peak.

​Final Thoughts: Own Your Hunger

​There is nothing wrong with being Kiasu.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best table, the best bonus, or the best project.

​The world belongs to the hungry.

​But as we get older (and trust me, at 55, I feel this), we cannot afford the cortisol spikes anymore. We need to work smarter, not harder.

​So, go ahead. Be the Auntie at the buffet of life. But do it with style, do it with a smile, and do it because you pressed the button—not because the button pressed you.

​Summary for the Busy Professional

The Old “Kiasu”

The New “Anchored” Drive

Driven by Fear of Missing Out (FOMO).

Driven by Desire for Achievement.

Feeling: Anxiety, tight chest, panic.

Feeling: Flow, confidence, excitement.

Trigger: External events (Boss yelling).

Trigger: Internal Control (Your Anchor).

Result: Burnout.

Result: Sustainable High Performance.

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