Picture this: It is a Sunday afternoon at a hotel buffet in Penang. The waiter brings out a fresh tray of expensive Tiger Prawns.
Suddenly, a 60-year-old Auntie moves with the speed of an Olympic sprinter. She elbows a teenager out of the way. She piles 15 prawns onto her plate before the tray even hits the table.
This, my friends, is Kiasu.
In Hokkien, Kiasu literally means “Fear of Losing.” It is the defining spirit of Singapore, Malaysia, and much of Asia. It is why we queue for hours for a new bubble tea. It is why we send our kids to tuition for a subject they haven’t even started learning in school yet.
In the corporate world, Kiasu has a bad reputation. It creates stress, selfish colleagues, and a “dog-eat-dog” culture.
But as a Human Resource Development consultant for over 20 years, I have a controversial theory: Kiasu is actually a high-performance fuel. The problem isn’t the fuel; it’s the engine we are pouring it into.
If we combine Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence (EQ) with a classic NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) technique called “Anchoring,” we can refine this “fear of losing” into a pure, high-octane “drive to win.”
The Psychology: Why Fear is a Bad boss
Daniel Goleman separates motivation into two buckets:
- Negative Motivation (Fear): “If I don’t hit this KPI, I will be fired/shamed.”
- Positive Motivation (Achievement Drive): “I want to hit this KPI because I love winning and growing.”
Traditional Kiasu is Type 1. It is driven by the Amygdala (the brain’s panic center). It works, but it burns you out. It’s like driving a Ferrari in first gear—lots of noise, lots of heat, but you’re destroying the engine.
We want to shift to Type 2. We want the energy of the Auntie chasing the prawns (focus, speed, determination) without the anxiety (fear of missing out).
The NLP Hack: You Are a Pavlovian Dog (Sorry!)
You probably learned about Ivan Pavlov in school. He rang a bell, fed a dog, rang a bell, fed a dog. Eventually, he rang the bell, and the dog salivated without the food.
This is called Anchoring.
In NLP, we believe humans are just very sophisticated dogs. We have “buttons” all over our bodies and brains that trigger emotional states.
- The smell of your mother’s cooking = Instant comfort.
- The ringtone of your boss calling on a Sunday = Instant panic.
These are accidental anchors. But NLP teaches us that we can create intentional anchors. We can install a “Button” on our body that, when pressed, instantly triggers a state of high confidence and motivation.
I call this the “Positive Kiasu Anchor.”
How to Install Your “Kiasu Button” (Step-by-Step)
Do this exercise right now. It takes 5 minutes, and it might change your next board meeting.
Step 1: Choose Your “Super State”
I want you to recall a specific memory where you felt unstoppable. A time where you were totally “in the zone.”
- Maybe it was closing that huge deal in 2015.
- Maybe it was delivering a speech where everyone laughed at your jokes.
- Maybe it was when you finally got the land for your Kelulut farm!
Close your eyes. Go back to that moment.
Step 2: Turn Up the “Submodalities” (The 4K Experience)
In NLP, the intensity of a memory depends on the details.
- Visual: Make the memory brighter. Make the colors pop. Bring the image closer to your face.
- Auditory: Hear the applause? Turn up the volume. Hear your own internal voice saying, “Yes! I did it!”
- Kinesthetic: Feel the handshake. Feel the adrenaline in your chest.
Spin this feeling in your body until on a scale of 1 to 10, it feels like a 15. You should be smiling like a crazy person right now.
Step 3: Set the Anchor
The moment that feeling hits its absolute peak (the climax), do a unique physical gesture.
- Example: Press your thumb and ring finger of your right hand together firmly.
- Example: Squeeze your left earlobe.
Hold that gesture for 5 to 10 seconds while enjoying the peak feeling. Then, let go and open your eyes.
Step 4: Repeat (The Conditioning)
Do this 3 or 4 times.
- Get into the state.
- Peak the feeling.
- Press the Anchor.
- Relax.
You are neurologically wiring that specific touch (stimulus) to that specific feeling of confidence (response).
Step 5: The Test
Now, distract yourself. Think about what you had for lunch. Look out the window.
Now… Fire the Anchor! (Press your thumb and ring finger together).
If you did it right, you should feel a sudden wave of that same confidence washing over you. You just created a “Motivation On-Demand” button.
Application: The “Kiasu” Switch in the Boardroom
So, how do we use this in real Asian corporate life?
Imagine you are about to walk into a salary negotiation. Your palms are sweating. Your internal “Tiger Mom” is whispering, “Don’t ask for too much, they will get angry.”
Normally, you would walk in shrinking, hoping to just survive.
Instead, you stop outside the door. You take a breath. You Fire your Anchor (squeeze that finger).
Boom. Your brain floods with the neurochemistry of that time you won the award. Your posture straightens. Your voice drops an octave. You walk in not as a beggar, but as a winner.
You are now channeling Positive Kiasu. You are hungry for the result, but you are not afraid of the room.
The Agrotourism Lesson: The “Kiasu” Kelulut
In my journey into Kelulut farming, I’ve observed the bees. When a Kelulut bee finds a new source of nectar, it doesn’t leisurely float around. It zooms in. It harvests. It signals the team.
It is aggressive in its pursuit of resources. But is it stressed? No. It is purposeful.
In Asia, we often confuse “Panic” with “Passion.”
We think if we aren’t running around looking stressed, we aren’t working hard.
The Anchor allows you to be like the Kelulut: Fast, focused, and efficient, but internally calm. You are hacking your biology to separate the Drive from the Distress.
Troubleshooting: Why Your Anchor Might Fail
Sometimes people tell me, “Abe Zoe, I pressed the button but I didn’t feel like Superman.”
Usually, it’s one of these two reasons:
- The Memory was Weak: You chose a memory where you were just “okay,” not “awesome.” You need a 10/10 memory.
- The Timing was Off: You anchored after the feeling started to fade. You must anchor while the feeling is rising or at the peak.
Final Thoughts: Own Your Hunger
There is nothing wrong with being Kiasu.
There is nothing wrong with wanting the best table, the best bonus, or the best project.
The world belongs to the hungry.
But as we get older (and trust me, at 55, I feel this), we cannot afford the cortisol spikes anymore. We need to work smarter, not harder.
So, go ahead. Be the Auntie at the buffet of life. But do it with style, do it with a smile, and do it because you pressed the button—not because the button pressed you.
Summary for the Busy Professional
|
The Old “Kiasu” |
The New “Anchored” Drive |
|---|---|
|
Driven by Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). |
Driven by Desire for Achievement. |
|
Feeling: Anxiety, tight chest, panic. |
Feeling: Flow, confidence, excitement. |
|
Trigger: External events (Boss yelling). |
Trigger: Internal Control (Your Anchor). |
|
Result: Burnout. |
Result: Sustainable High Performance. |
